Welcome to the Writers’ Room! Get to know your favorite Decabloggers by reading their bios below. Learn about what their interests are, what you can expect from their blogs and, most crucially, which ones are actually funny!

Hey, I’m Aakash. I’m not only an incredibly handsome and attractive male but I’m also the best blog writer to ever walk this earth. With my debut blog “Rating Ronaldo’s craziest and most expensive purchases” being a hit sensation, breaking the internet, my blogs will provide you with a combination of entertainment and knowledge. My topics can vary to whatever my incredible imagination leads me to and genius will seduce you to keep reading more and more of my blogs, I’m just addictive like that. Oh and also check out everyone else’s blogs too.

“At once prophetic, outrageous, revolutionary, groundbreaking, disturbing, inspiring, contemporary and moving, Austin has reshaped the digital landscape.”

Dear reader, 

These are not my words, but the indisputable words of The Charlatan’s Bizarre. While that quote almost speaks for itself, it would be pertinent at this point to stress my most pungent quality – my profound humility. Most of my days are taken up in my capacity as “Voice of the Internet”, a title bestowed upon me by Ronald Yahoo (an authority on all things www.). However, when I am able to grab a spare couple of seconds, I enjoy leafing through novels, committing Alan Partridge quotes to memory and polishing bronze busts of Lou Reed.

Blog-wise topics will vary. But I live by a mantra which should be tattooed across my forehead “Content, content, content!”. My dedication to only the finest content is unending. Thus, everything I produce is of unquestionable excellence. So confident am I in my pursuits that should any of my posts fall short of your expectations, you are welcome to get feisty in the comments.

All my love,

Austin. Mwah 

Your hero’s journey on my bio:

Comfort Zone – You’re browsing decablogs. Laughing at the incredible content and have just enjoyed the gift that is one of my blogs.

Need or desire – You wish to know more about me so you click on my profile and begin reading.

Enter an unfamiliar situation – As you start reading you get plunged into the story circle and begin your hero journey.

Adaptation – You adapt to this weird bio. As you read you begin to feel things, like you’ve never felt before. Humour and knowledge. You change your thinking about what a bio is and what it can be. You begin to change as a person. Your knowledge of films does as well.

You get what you want – You learn about me as a person. You know I like watching films instead of reading books because reading is hard. You learn that my sole purpose in this blog is to tell you good films to watch and what to expect. You learn that the only books I can really tolerate are Stephen King books and economics and science books. You learn that I’m not really qualified to give my opinion about films. You learn that I would like to make a film one day. You learn that my favourite musical artists are Stevie Wonder, Steely Dan, Tyler the Creator, Frank Ocean and Mac DeMarco. You learn that I’ve never felt the touch of a woman.

But you pay a price – The price of your time you invested into reading this. Was it worth it? I don’t know. Maybe. 

You return to your comfort zone– You finish reading this article. You can finally return back to your boring life, or interesting one if you decide to keep on reading these blogs and enjoying my great film recommendations.

Having changed – You think about what you have just read. You begin to ponder who you are as a person. Are we just here to sit and absorb media (and possibly create media) until we die? Yes. But will you have someone accompanying you all the way there? Yes. These blogs. These blogs can let you live your life without wasting your time on bad films. Do you now have a crush on me? Most probably.

Hi, I’m Elliot. You might know me from my now world-famous and award-winning blog segment ‘Elliot’s Songs of the Week’ or you may have seen me live at Wembley playing the guitar with my band Cynics. Nevertheless, I am 17 years old, living in London and contrary to popular opinion, I do brush my teeth. My first celebrity crush was probably Sally from the Cars movie which really should not have been a good sign for my parents. I honestly like most music so recommend me anything and I will probably give it a listen. If you are reading this now definitely go and check out the blogs I already have up.

Hi, I’m Gavriel and I am half-Prince Charming, half-decablogger! My friends often liken me to a robot due to my demeanour though I believe I have more commonality with Count Dracula. After all, I went to great lengths to make myself a Scottish Laird, so we are both aristocrats of the highest order (I am also probably an insomniac but we ignore that). The guise of fairy-tale-based witticisms should exclude me from the common law, “you are what your favourite word is”, but alas it does not work. I am, at heart, a troglodyte, writing away in my cave with my troll-like hands producing blogs on MARVEL, basketball and whatever I feel, wrongly, I am qualified to talk about. My attempts at hilarity will likely fail, but unlike Shrek I will not hesitate to use violence to ensure you still read my blogs. So, go do that. Please.

Hey, I’m Nilesh. I know what you’re thinking. No I do not live in Antarctica, although my photo may suggest otherwise. I decided to choose this photo as my beanie successfully covers my hideously overgrown lockdown hair, which I can assure you is long gone (no pun intended). Hi, my name is Nilesh and I am a proud writer of Decablogs. The topics of my blogs will tend to vary week on week ranging from sport to current affairs. Although my feeble attempts of humour throughout these articles may not satisfy you, I can assure you that the content will. Make sure to share these blogs with your friends and family to spread the word of these, let’s say, incredible blogs. You won’t regret it 🙂

Hi, I’m Noah, but around these parts they call me ‘Jazzman’ or ‘Hey you Jazzman’. I like pop-culture, I like food and I like jazz (Really?! Who would have thought?). To be honest, you can’t predict any of my blog topics. I mean, shit, I can’t predict any of my blog topics. For example, one of my blogs is the lyrics to ‘One Note Samba’ – a song with no intelligible words. Do you think I planned on writing that? No. Obviously not. It came to me in a dream. I’m not really sure what About Me pages should be about so I’m just going to list some of my pros and cons:

Pros:
  1. I know the Simpsons Movie off my heart
  2. I can finish any line from the Office US
  3.  I look like I’d be really good at surfing
  4. I know how to make weirdos laugh
  5. I can wolf whistle
Cons:
  1. I’m not very good at surfing
  2. I lack significant height (body)
  3. I lack significant length (body)
  4. I lack significant elongation (body)
  5. I can wolf whistle

Right. That’s about it. Half of my blogs exist in the comment section so be sure to comment and I will reply within 17 seconds. If you have found any of my blogs funny then I’m the love that you’ve looked for. Write to me and escape.

Hi, I am Otto and to be honest, this blog malarkey is new to me. But you know what, I’m getting the hang of it. You might be able to tell that I like sports –  specifically those of the extreme variety – and so I’ve been writing about them in some serious depth. I also love a bunch of other things like food and beer and sports. Oh well. If you are interested in any of those many and broad topics feel free to checkout my blogs.

Hey! My name is Shyam and to be honest i’m finding it kinda hard to capture myself in an 80-word paragraph, but let me give it a shot. I’m 16, have lived in 4 countries and have recently recovered from a minor energy drink addiction (keep me away from the Lucozades). I’m just about 5’10 but tell everyone I’m 6 foot and I unironically have watched all 5 seasons of Riverdale. My blogs will probably range from music reviews, to leftist essays, to football analysis (to hopefully give you a break from Max’s awful Brendan Rodgers agenda). Anyway, let me end with a few unpopular opinions that will lead you to leave hate comments on all my future posts. Anything to boost that engagement.

  1. Isaiah Rashad makes better music than Kendrick Lamar
  2. Dele was better than Foden when he was 19
  3. People need to stop wearing Air Max 97’s. 
  4. Inception is one of the worst movies i’ve ever watched.

Enraged? Go nuts in the comments on my blogs!

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