2nd May 2021
By Noah
In this fast-moving, electronic world it’s so easy for days and weeks to go past in the blink of an eye. Do you ever look around you and consider the beauty and the hierarchy of things around you? Yes, the hierarchy. The true hierarchy of the visible light spectrum is often ignored by the ordinary person. But, as usual, I’m no ordinary person. Sure, any 6-year-old will proudly tell you what their favourite colour is as if it defines who they are, but no one ever asks what your second favourite colour is or least favourite. However, whereas your favourite colour is subjective, I will now, objectively, state what the top 10 best colours are and explain why.
10. White
Idioms/uses: White as snow
Movie quote: ‘I just did an entirely white poo’ – The Brothers Grimsby
White sucks. It is literally the blandest colour known to man and anyone who chooses to get a white car is a joke. Oh yeah, and it also happens to be the colour of the race that has been the primary contributor to racism in the last 2000 years. So yeah, white goes bottom of my list.
9. Yellow
Idioms/uses: To be yellow
Movie quote: ‘Nobody calls me yellow’ – Back to the Future Part III
Yellow is only a tiny bit better than white because it has different shades. At best you get the delightful golden-yellow sunrise, which would put yellow around sixth on this list. On the other hand, however, you have beige. The colour of sand. But not sand on the beach. Sand when you’re pouring it out of your shoe afterwards. No wonder Marty McFly famously said, ‘Nobody calls me yellow!’ Simply because, like white, yellow sucks.
8. Brown
Idioms/uses: How now, brown cow?
Pretty boring. Also, the colour of poo. Countered by being the colour of chocolate. If you wear brown, you look like a tree. Weirdly if you wear green you don’t. But if you wear brown you do.
7. Black
Idioms/uses: Black as night
Movie quote: ‘Black?! That’s the worst colour there is! [to Carl] No offence there, Carl’ – The Simpsons Movie
No, not the colour black that you’ve seen before. What gets black all the way up to number 7 is ‘true black’. The blackest of the black. In fact, the pure black that I’m talking about doesn’t even exist on Earth. Recently, a British company produced a strange material so black that it absorbs all but 0.035% of visual light. I think they won a Guinness world record for that. Pretty cool, no? Otherwise, black’s kind of boring. Almost like a ‘staple’ colour. The only person who really pulls off this colour is Batman.
6. Green
Idioms/uses: Green about the gills
Movie quote: ‘Don’t make the super suit green, or animated’ – Deadpool
Had a pair of bright green trousers once. My prized possession. Everyone else thought I looked stupid, but I knew I looked pretty cool. I’ve got a lot of respect for green, and it doesn’t get the fame it deserves. Also, my Mum’s favourite colour. Got nothing against green, it just doesn’t have much going for it. Also, Decablogs.
5. Red
Idioms/uses: Face going red (blushing)
Movie quote: ‘A red sun rises. Blood has been spilt this night.’ – The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Song: Seeing Red (by Decablogs’ very own Elliot)
The crowd’s favourite. Everyone loves a bit of red. Slap some red racing stripes on a car, and it goes three times faster. True story. Red’s the colour of my underpants and Arsenal. So, can’t be going wrong. Also, ‘Seeing Red’ by Cynics, is one of the greatest songs to grace this planet. So go listen. But Fool’s Paradise isn’t for me.
4. Pink
Idioms/uses: Tickled pink
Movie quote: ‘On Wednesdays we wear pink’ – Mean Girls
If you’re a girl and you wear a lot of pink, you’re probably annoying. If you’re a boy and you wear a lot of pink you probably think you’re too handsome for these shorts. In moderation, it’s a great colour, but just slightly worse than purple.
3. The Color Purple
No not the actual colour. But the film (editor’s note: THE BOOK). It follows the life of Celie, a young black girl growing up in the early 1900s. At the age of 14 she was impregnated by her father and the film follows the next 30 years of her life. Absolutely brilliant film. Also, released to the world ‘Miss Celie’s blues’, with a pitch-perfect opening lick. Strongly recommend. Oh yeah and the actual colour isn’t too bad either.
2. Blue
Idioms/uses: Blue balls
The crème de la crème. Colour of lots of things. No argument required. If blue balls were actually blue then this would be lower on the list but seeing as they’re still the colour of your normal balls, then it doesn’t really matter.
1. Jazz
Yes, I know, not a colour. However, it is the best music genre out there and it’s dying. So please, please, go listen to some jazz. You will not regret.
PS: To check out some awesome jazz analysis click the following link.
PPS: For other amazing blogs click the links below or check out some of the other ramblings posted elsewhere on this wonderful website/
- Moby Dick: The Most Interesting and Boring Book*
- Debt: A New Form of IMF Imperialism
- Old School Hip Hopkins
- The K-Pop Trainee System – Interest of the Week
- Loki Episode 6 – For All Time. Always
I thought this would be a serious blog but u had to sneak jazz as the number 1 best colour. This obsession is unhealthy
That final twist is on par with the Tyler Durden reveal in “Fight Club” and yet it was inevitable as the “I am your father” reveal. High praise because obsessions can be good…
…and can also be bad?
Go listen to Herbie Hancock Chameleon. Little bit funky and only 13 minutes long
Jazz revival incoming after this post
Seeing ted going platinum
I strongly agree with all of this however I believe Mili(clay)pnos should’ve been included. Very underrated colour
OMGGGG 100% but the clay is silent
That’s why it was in brackets
Thank you gav for including the colour purple book that is some banging literature. I agree with all but one: brown is poo entirely and although I do like chocolate a lot I don’t think that it can counter balance poo so it has to go last (and white is all the colours mixed together and if that’s not the coolest thing ever then idk what is)
Nooo people say that but grey is all the colours mixed together. You do art you should definitely know that by mixing paint
The Colour Purple is indeed a banging book. Must stay true to myself in all aspects however and admit that I am a fan of the colour brown because it is the colour of trees, and I have a deep affection for trees. They seem to be the only things which allow me to hug them 🙁
I’d like to take out a claim I listened to some jazz and lived to regret it. Also where is Orange? A wise man once said ‘yes’ as a different wise man also said ‘The happiest colour is orange’ – Frank Sinatra
Uranus
I assume this comment has taken inspiration from Samuel’s comment on one note samba because likewise I have no idea what you’re talking about
When Buzz Lightyear first landed on the moon in 1266, the first thing he said ‘that’s kinda cool but where’s the holiday inn’. The words he said on the moon have become possibly the most famous quote known to mankind. It is only now at least 6 days later from this that we as humans can appreciate the true beauty of this. Sometimes I wonder if society has a need for all this. But society is not what we think it to be. Society has created some great things like the cheese grater, parachutes and Bill withers. The range of emotions I felt reading this blog is exactly how someone should feel reading this comment. A wonderful range of suspense and poetry only for it to be a ginormous letdown in the end. Also sorry to be that guy but black is technically a tone not a colour.
….and now I hope you’ll like this song that I wrote. Yes? Is that where you were going
Here are some lyrics I have written for this song. I take constructive criticism but not very well
Ave maria
Gratia plena
Maria
Gratia plena
Maria
Gratia plena
Dominus, tecum
Ave, ave dominicus
Benedicta tu
Et benedictus
Et benedictus
Fructus ventris tui jesus
Ave maria
Maiden mild
Ah listen to a maidens prayer
For thou canst hear amid the wild
‘Tis thou
‘Tis thou can’t save amid despair
We slumber…
Thank you ladies and gentlemen. If you’ve enjoyed this exchange be sure to check out our film in cinemas next summer
Bigger Cows to Hunt, an N.S. Menman original
When it’s you Noah, it can never be bad. Except drugs. Drugs are a bad obsession to have
Jazz is my drug
Choosing to ignore that last comment… i realised if you wear green and brown you also look like a tree
Ok but white light is all the colours mixed together and are u sure about grey cos when I mix paints they go ugly brown (yes brown is once again down there as number 10)