We just beat Google. Now we can topple governments. Next, we can achieve world domination. First, however, we need our own manifesto. Introducing the Decablogs Sham-ifesto!
18th June 2021
Why a Sham-ifesto?
All serious organisations have manifestos. The Monster Raving Loony Party, Boris Johnson’s Conservatives, the Union of Goggle-Wearing Non-Swimmers, to name a few. So, in the wake of our victory over Google, we have decided that we are a serious organisation. What better way to establish ourselves than to create a Sham-ifesto and outline our aims for the next quintillion years?
Following a brief hiatus, our first meeting back, as always, descended into a frenzy. But, from the squawking and quacking emerged a plan; like a Phoenix from the ashes rose the Decablogs Sham-ifesto.
Now, in true Boris Johnson fashion, we can make vague promises which we likely won’t keep about what we will be up to in the coming months.
We pledge to:
- Publish absolute nonsense purely for entertainment reasons with unwavering conviction to slander
- Get sued by – and then beat – Google at least once a month
- Release new content on all days that end in a ‘y’ – we are German speakers when we want to be from henceforth
- Measure groundswell with a slurry of truly pointless polls on our social media stories every single day
Annoyenrich you all with endless emails and shameless attempts at publicising Decablogs
- Avoid the use of full stops at the end of bullet points and numbered lists in order to sustain the sanity of ourselves and our readers
- Make a complete mockery of this Sham-ifesto at every given opportunity.
- Reach the number 9 in every list we make
- Numbered like iPhones, we want these Sham-ifesto promises to be treated like iPhones; discarded each year to appear only in CEX shop windows
Introducing Decablogs Parliament
Lastly, introducing our newest feature! If you have any issues regarding absolutely anything, pop us an email. Title the subject “Parliament” and include an offence and a proposed punishment/solution in the email, and we will deliberate over the matter with intense scrutiny and give you our verdict. Should your issue be taken to a court of law? Probably not, but it will receive either an email or a blog post in response.
Our email is email@example.com
P.S. Keep it PG if you want it to go on the website.